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Letting Go of the Need to Change Others

It’s an extremely rare person that goes into a relationship hoping that their new partner wants them to change. We want our significant other to love, honor, and accept us just the way we are. We hope that they will respect the choices that we make in life.

Sometimes we don’t always give the people we love this same courtesy. When we think that we know what’s best for others, or we want them to change, we aren’t accepting them for who they are.

I am just as guilty of this as anyone. I’ve been in relationships and wanted people to be something

other than they are. I’ve wanted them to lose weight or quit smoking for their health. I’ve wanted them to start meditating to control their stress. I’ve wanted them to get another job because they had so many wonderful talents that I felt were going to waste.

At the time, I believed that all of these reasons for wanting someone to change, came from a place of love. Now that I look back on it, my desire had more to do with me being dissatisfied in the relationship.

When we accept someone- their perceived flaws, quirks, and challenges- we are giving them the respect that they deserve, and the space to be who they are. Everyone has the right to be valued in this way. If we find a behavior or choice that is unacceptable to us, then maybe the best thing to do is to let that person go. There might be someone else out there that loves the very same thing that we dislike so intensely.

We should give them the opportunity to experience that kind of love.

Barbara Buck is a Foundational Reconnective Healing Practitioner, writer, and teacher. For more information about her, please visit her website at Check her out on the Happy Empaths Twitter feed @the_empath


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