Photo by Stuart Miles
I’ve been internet dating for a few years now, and while I’ve had a few clunkers and definitely haven’t found “the One,” It’s been a fairly pleasant experience. Most of my single friends in the spiritual community haven’t had the same experience, though. I’ve heard that online dating can be quite the horror show.
The average persons’ approach to dating online is the “accuracy through volume” method. They date as many people as possible in the hopes that the right person will eventually show up. To me, going at it like that is kind of like throwing darts at a moving target. If you throw enough of them, odds are that at some point you will hit the bullseye, but it could take a really, really long time.
Spiritual people have an especially hard time dating online. Their needs are different. They desire a connection with someone on all levels-spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual and energetic. They understand their connection to the Divine and want a partner who “gets it” too. I wouldn’t say that they are pickier than other people, but they do seem to have more prerequisites.
Unfortunately, sometimes we forget our connection to Source completely when trying to find someone. We get just as distracted by pretty people, careers, hobbies, and political affiliations as everyone else. We lose sight of what really matters and we fall into old patterns and habits. Here are a few tips and reminders to help your journey towards love be as beautiful as you deserve.
Connect with your guidance before agreeing to a date. I have friends who check in with their higher power about what to eat for dinner or which shoes to buy, but they never do when choosing who to go on a date with. I’m not judging because I am totally guilty of this same thing. The first year that I dated was the worst. I would get really wrapped up in profiles and answering as many of the 8000+ compatibility questions as possible, and would just plum forget about Divine connection! When I finally started checking in, the number of dates that I had went down, but the quality went way up. Whether you believe in angelic helpers, spirit guides, higher self, or prayer to a deity, keep that connection intact throughout the dating process.
Let go of expectations and get into the groove. A number of my spiritual friends are looking for their soul mates or twin flames. They have preconceived ideas of what “the One” is like, and if someone doesn’t match up to that, they don’t even bother to talk to them. Sometimes the person who is in our highest and best good to meet is right in front of us, but we pass them by because we were too busy looking for our mirror. If we ask Source to bring us love, then be still, be open, and pay attention. Maybe your true love will be BETTER then you dreamed of.
Be yourself. When I first made an online profile, I had friends tell me not to mention that I am an energy healer and an intuitive. They thought the psychic stuff would scare guys off. My answer to that was “Good! It will weed out the faint of heart.” It’s important to put your best foot forward in a dating profile, but you need to make sure that you are honest as well. Don’t spring your bisexuality, ability to talk to dead people, or militant veganism on them during date three. Give them the opportunity to “opt out” before time gets wasted. When you are authentic and true to yourself, it will radiate out and attract the same back to you.
Don't date someone just because they say they are spiritual, or because they have the same religious beliefs. I don’t judge about this, because it’s another mistake that I’ve made. I went on a spiritual dating site and had lofty ideas about finding evolved, wise men who consciously worked on themselves. What I found instead were men who I should have been seeing as clients instead of having dinner with. One guy, after I told him that I didn’t think it was going to work out, confessed that he wasn’t spiritual at all. He just went on the site because he heard that spiritual women were more sexually liberated. Oye. My point is that it’s important not to judge someone as lacking if they don’t share the same spirituality as you. I’ve met atheists on plentyofish.com that are way more evolved than on the spiritual dating site. When people are walking their path and living their truth, they can be pretty wonderful to be around.
Practice mindfulness. When we are going through the dating process, sometimes we forget to stay in the present moment. It’s hard to stay centered and grounded in the excitement of getting to know someone. Remember to enjoy the experience of potential new love.
Barbara Buck is a Foundational Reconnective Healing Practitioner, writer, and teacher. For more information about her, please visit her website at www.theomancollective.com.